I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize