I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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