i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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