Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What a dumb baby whore.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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