I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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