I am puke
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
