We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
