i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
