Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
