If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
