the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Randomize
