Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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