I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
being pregnant is like rehab
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
