so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
