you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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