I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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