I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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