matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
