In America we eat man semen.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
