Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
