I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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