Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize