tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
