Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize