from now on my penis is your penis
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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