Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
