Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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