If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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