Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
