no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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