I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize