What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize