sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
