I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You are the jesus of drinking
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
