He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
