i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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