he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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