Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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