I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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