So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
