I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
