white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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