i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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