Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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