why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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