I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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