weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I will pee on everything he values.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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