CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
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