Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
