ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
