Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
