i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just took my morning after pill in the library
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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