I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize