I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
