this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize