The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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