I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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