Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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