Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this boner is exhausting
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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