I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
