If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
