I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
