But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
