Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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