it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
