i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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