why didn't you poke me back
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
