I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
