Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
